JWed is great, but Hashem is in charge!
Malka (55) from Florida & Stuart (54) from Florida
Match #: 2071&2072
As we all know, the "chief" matchmatcher is Hashem, and you never know which avenue He'll choose to bring about the wonderful bracha of finding your true bashert--but it all comes from Him, and I must begin by giving credit where credit is due. My chassan and I have no way of fully expressing our deep gratitude to Hashem for his overflowing and revealed blessing of finding each other, but we now have a lifetime together to try and bring more G-dliness into this physical world, as an expression of that boundless gratitude that we feel.
We met on JWed, and spent several weeks in the "JWed messaging" mode of communication...very pleasant, somewhat intriguing, but without any particular focus or mention of moving the relationship to another level. I must say that part of the intrigue was that "profile -wise" we weren't what you'd call the perfect match, but, baruch Hashem, we saw past that, on a certain level. Then we took a break -- and were both "busy" with other people (that's the mentschlik way to do it, one shiddach opportunity at a time, please, to keep focused and not to hurt another Jew's feelings...)
When my chassan messaged me again, a couple of months later (yes, that certain spark that we had both felt at the beginning was still there...) I "knew" I had to be smart about how to proceed, and as we learn from Chabad chassidic philosophy (you don't need a big beard to learn this or do it...) our intellect should rule over our emotions...that's the way Hashem created us...I contacted a shadchan that I had worked with previously, and asked him to "intervene." As smart as we all think we are, don't ever think that when it comes to marrying the right person, that we don't need help to keep on track. After this shadchan spoke to his Rabbi and to him, he gave me the "he's a mentsch" green light, and he set up our first date for us. We did speak on the phone (a lot!) before that first in-person meeting (yes, geography does "get in the way" sometimes...) but the foundation of tachlis (purposefulness) had already been established. That's crucial...if you want to get married, just "hanging out" is a waste of time and emotions. We kept in touch with that shadchan until we were ready to get engaged (and even afterwards, just to help us iron out a few details...) and he kept us focused and clear. (You can't always ask those huge, significant questions straight out to a person that you really don't know, that's what a shadchan can do for you -- like an extra, impartial brain keeping the path of communication clear) Parenthetically, I did speak with a few of his references, although he chose not to check with any of mine, and it did set my mind at ease, to hear from a few other people the things that I was experiencing on my own (good middos/character traits/mentschlikeit and solid frumkeit --no matter what level you are comfortable at, it should be stable and compatible -- and that should be the "top 2" on anyone's "list")
So, you're probably wondering where is the lovey-dovey part of the story? Don't get me wrong, it's there, big time. The love between a man and a woman (partnered with Hashem) is essential, deep, and personal and it needs to be focused and clear (yup, 2 of my favorite words when it comes to marriage). Do yourself a favor, get a hold of Simon Jacobson's book, Toward a Meaningful Life (Harper publishers) and read chapters 6 "Marriage", 7, "Love", and 8, "Intimacy" -- do you get the order there? It's that way for a reason...It's better than any romance novel, movie, or song...it's the real thing.
So, I'll finish with a bracha (blessing) for all of you...May Hashem bless you with finding your true bashert, in a quick and clearly revealed way, and it should be the fulfillment of all your heart's desires. Your experience of the overflowing brachas from Hashem when that happens should inspire you to spread some of that spiritual light to those around you, giving them hope and inspiration and focus to finding their true bashert, as well.
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