Sometimes it Takes a Friend to Get You Started
Deborah (54) from California & Robert (60) from New York
Match #: 1887&1888
I have been a member on JWed for a long time. Nothing significant had developed here and I had not met anyone from this service. I was anxious about dating again after a long-term marriage and a hiatus from dating that lasted a lot longer than I had expected it to. I had become comfortable in my singlehood after 7 years.
Then an old friend came to visit over shabbos. Married with younger children, my friend and I had a wonderful time over shabbat discussing what to do with yourself after your children are grown. After havdalah she exclaimed, "Come on, turn on the computer. We're going to get you a life!"
I dutifully turned on my computer and logged on to JWed. My married friend was amazed at the number of eligible men. She then reviewed the profiles of the men who had viewed my profile.
Then it happened.
"What are you doing?!" I yelled. "Sending an automated message to this guy, " she replied calmly. "You can't do that!" I yelped again. "Except I just did." she deadpanned. "But, but, but that's not the way it works." I whimpered. "How do you know?" she asked. "You haven't met anyone yet."
It didn't take me long to realize that I was going to be better off going along with my friend than trying to argue her out of her plan. I had tried to explain that I was "old school" and that I didn't want to contact men first. I also told her all of the "reasons" why now was not really a "good time" for me to be pursuing trying to find my beshert.
Like a good friend, she ignored me and continued to click on profiles.
Finally, I joined in and suggested she look at a profile of a man who had caught my attention. "There's something about his eyes..." She looked at the profile for a few seconds, "Click." Another automated message had been sent.
The next morning I had four emails from the guys who had received the "clicks" from my friend on my behalf. This was more mail than I had received in my entire JWed membership. Two "no thank you's" and two messages from gentlemen who were interested in getting to know me better.
That was 5 months ago. Truth be told, it would have been easier to get a job with the CIA than to meet me. Rabbis were called. References were checked. I had so many questions! No matter, nothing I threw at my new friend seemed to bother him.
We worked hard to talk about all of the things we could think of that might make or break a marriage before we met. It is a benefit of age to have some wisdom about what works and what doesn't. I was surprised about how much we have in common and how similar our values and outlooks are, in spite of the differences in our experiences.
And then we met, and met again, and again, and again, and...not an easy task since we live on opposite sides of the continent. However, being together was lovely and easy and...well, this is a JWed success story, so you can guess what happened next.
We became engaged after four months (with a ring and a date and the whole megillah!). Our chuppah is soon and our friends and families are thrilled for us.
We are proof that love is possible at any age and at any stage of your life. However, you might just need a friend and JWed to get you started!
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