Thank You JWed
Rhoda (51) from New York & Benyamin (53) from Wisconsin
Match #: 1805&1806
Looking Beyond the Cover
I joined JWed at the urging of a friend soon after my get and civil divorce 6 1/2 years ago. After trying the other popular Jewish dating site, I found JWed to be a breath of fresh air. Soon, however, my early enthusiasm for JWed was wearing thin. I was meeting, even dating nice men, but not the right one for me.
Just before I had decided to close my account, Benyamin wrote me via JWed's canned messages. I ignored him at first, mainly because of his hashkafah and I didn't encourage long-distanced romances. He lives in Milwaukee and I live in Brooklyn, NY. I saw that he kept looking at my profile, so out of courtesy, I read his. He was quite different from anyone I had met before. We had several things in common accept that he is hasiddish and I am modern orthodox. I wrote back to beg off, but Benyamin would not take no for an answer. He convinced me to give him a chance. I am glad that I did. He came to Brooklyn after nearly 3 weeks of speaking daily on the phone. I was cautiously optimistic before I met him, but soon knew that he aw the one whom my soul delights.
I thank JWed for the being the shaliach and I thank Hashem for being my shadchan and guiding me to look beyond the cover.
A Dream Come True
I wondered whether I would ever be found worthy to merit the gift from Hashem of my Zivug, my Bershert, the one woman living in this Gillgul who is really right for me and far more importantly, for whom I might be thought of, and felt, and known to be, the Zivug and Bershert, of and for and to ever be. A few months ago, my Rebbe, that is to say my spiritual master, gave me a blessing that I should find my Bershert. It is as if I awoke from a dream and you were there.
I can well recall, first seeing your picture and profile at least three years ago on JWed and on Orthodate and Mitmazel. I thought that I would not meet your criteria. Perhaps were both setup our criteria of desirability, disguised as our profile, as much as a moat to keep the unworthy candidates away, as to draw near those very special few with whom perhaps the potential might be found to exist which could have a chance of making our lives whole.
For about three years, I did not think myself worthy of your consideration. So, at first so I held back from approaching you, even though I had been eyeing your profile in several venues in cyberspace. But at the moment that I reached out to you, I was despite being courted by more women at one time then I can remember, I had felt empty and writing to them and speaking to them felt burdensome, but never with you. From the moment that I read your reply to my form flirt, and read your summary rejection, because I failed to meet your criteria, in that my Chasiddisher self identification was not quite what you had in mind, I knew that I had to engage with you. Our styles may vary, but our hearts and minds feel at one. And you promptly sent me on my way, but I declined to go so fast.
Neither of us wanted to settle and knew that we needed someone who is extraordinary.
Yes, I knew that I wasn't either as dashing and handsome as a the young man I used to be, nor as polished and stayed as the Yeshivisher or even Modernisher hunks that display their good looks on all the online meeting places for those with refined sensibilities.
But I know that deep down that what I have to offer could be found to be worth only by she, who had the capacity to see past the toad’s garb to the warm loving man beneath.
That is, until we spoke, and realized without haste or pointless delay, that we shared some many essential values and attitudes and interests and appreciations that we could genuinely like each other from the very core of our being.
And then we met, as I did what was requisite and traveled beyond the might sea, The Great Lake of Michigan that is, and I returned to my hometown, from the place that I felt in exile from for eleven years. It was on Ocean Parkway the Champs-Élysées of the Orthodox Jewish World, that I found you and your young daughter, after getting lost about the airport, and arriving late, with silly bands for Dina and a dozen roses for you, only to discover that you are far more beautiful than even your attracting photographs reveal.
And you it seems, manage with the good eyes that you have been blessed with, to see past my toad costume and captured the man beneath.
I am not sure if I knew right then, there and that I wished to be bound together with you in a contract of mutual holy exclusivity, but I knew that I no longer would ever again have the slightest wish nor will nor rationalized reason or call to look anywhere else again.
I told you before our first face-to-face encounter that other ladies had been showing me some interest, but by our second or third telephone chat, I had declared myself unavailable for any other, as my emotional availability had been summarily surrendered to you. I told my parents and my friends, my Rebbe and my loyal and beloved son, and all wished me well, but bid me to not make a judgment in haste.
We met and I wondered for what must I know beyond the thirty or forty hours of telephone conversation that we had which should make want to wait.
Love is love. I feel it for you, you feel it for me. But marriage, yes marriage, how do we know that we can get along? We don't know. But, we must commit ourselves to doing everything in our power to make it work.
Rhoda, I woke up from this slumbering retreat that I took into my soul, this repose to consider and reconsider how it could be that I the once strong and mighty could feel so powerless in this world where human flesh may be exposed to sizzle on the hot summer streets, but the souls in the packages of meat we so cold and devoid of tenderization or cultivation.
Rhoda, my most precious one, I woke up to find that I need never be alone again, G-d willing as long as you are there. Together we can reboot own shared dream of the Bayis Ne’eman that every Jewish couple should aspire to, and a partnership of not just the body and the soul but of the mind as well, that special faculty that most of the world simply will forever read as nothing more that being a toad. When truth be known, and in fact, we may with Siata D'Shamaya be the sorts of ones to shape the world of countless others by modeling righteous lives, and we and our progeny can be proud of and unlike so many others we may be capable together of forging new and G-d will even better paths for our holy civilization to take while remaining steadfastly in accord with the teaching, communication and prophesies and laws derived from their encoded forms of the Covenant between the Maker of all realty and our beloved Patriarchs.
I pray that Hashem gives me the strength of character, to always seek to be a man who gives with no wish to receive, and in the words of Barry White to enable you to know that you are truly, my first, my last, my everything, in this life. As serving your happiness will be my worldly manifestation of the deep love service and reverence rooted in the Torah that Hashem revealed through Moshe Rabbeinu and the two and a half million or so stem Jewish souls that were present on Har Sinai confirming not just covenant to an our individual spiritual Avos, but to our nation as a whole with the creator and sustainer , enabler and protector of all, HKB”H. And it is to Him that I must ultimately express my thanks and great gratitude for bringing me you.
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